i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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