Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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