also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
