I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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