Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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