I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
