I could make wine with my vomit
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
