WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
