two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
