Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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