I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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