so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up under a house in Key West
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
