Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
