My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
