My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
