Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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