R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
