I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
