There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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