I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
