Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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