yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
