I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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