I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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