yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize