At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
be right there i have to get my cape
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
