yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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