I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
