At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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