But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
