some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
