I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
