We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
