I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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