i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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