I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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