dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
