All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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