3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
