Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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