im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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