halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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