So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
