You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize