how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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