her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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