Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
