craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
