Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
