And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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