I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
