Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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