Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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