I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
