A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
