By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
