apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
