remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i love accidental penises.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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