Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
