what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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