People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
