I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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