dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
