So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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