If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
