If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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