Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
