I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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