I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Enjoy the penises
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
